I don't believe in statistics

_077

2008-08-06T03:53:59Z

"i don't sing for anyone,"
i claimed. "i sleep for no one," you replied to me.
both of us were certain, but there i was. two months later
..singing softly, as you drifted from reality.

you're the downfall of everything i created.
you are my cure.

written by me

_076

2008-04-07T07:57:34Z

you asked me why,
why do i feel this way for you..
..why do i feel the need to have someone else control what is mine?
why must my thoughts be so self-destructive, i ask myself
..your hands gripping me tightly. i shudder as your breath touches my skin.
my heart races as you speak the words i so desperately want,
and i tell you

...because it gives me
comfort in ways i can't understand

written by me

_075

2008-03-20T08:35:40Z

take me,
make me into everything i'm not.
give me a reason to want, to beg and whimper at the slightest touch.
dig your hands beneath my skin, chain me up ..give me the pain i so desperately crave.
i want to feel something, anything..

...just tell me i'm yours

written by me

p.s. hi everybody! ..sorry i feel off the face of the earth. lol
my life just kinda got crazy and writing seemed to be the last thing i wanted to do.
i'm not saying i'm back for good, but i am gonna try to write more.
i hope you all are doing good. <3

_074

2007-10-04T00:32:50Z

you did all the right things,
..knew just what to say to make me give in. you pushed me,
begged me ..told me you wanted me and knew, that if you said it, i'd want you back
i never doubted your intentions, never told you how i really felt
and every time we kissed a part of me died
i knew i was going to regret everything after it was over, but for that
one moment, for that split second in my life,
i felt pretty.

..i still wish i could take it back

written by me

_073

2007-10-03T17:02:42Z

guilt;
the word consumes me,
tortures me day after day ..forces me to regret my decisions,
to question my self worth and wonder whether or not i deserve anything.
guilt is the reason i can't sleep at night, the thing that
tempts me to hate myself

...guilt is the reason i let him go

written by me

_072

2007-10-01T17:43:44Z

'i want you'
the words tempt me, make me give into things
i know i shouldn't. i crave them. i live for the moment you realize that you can't stop,
and every second after is just another second i'm forced to give into temptation. i hate myself for
my lack of self esteem and i'd give anything to tell you no, but i can't.
'i love you' ..i wonder if i actually mean those words,

..i wonder if you realize my addiction.

written by me

_071

2007-09-30T05:02:17Z

one night
that's all i ask for, just one night with you
one night to fall asleep in your arms, one night where we don't have
to say goodbye. just one night to feel your heart beat next to mine, to whisper i love you
until the thought overwhelms me. i want one night to memorize your every touch,
every breath and know what it means to escape. one night to let go
& forget about my imperfections, that's all i want
...one night with you

written by me

_070

2007-09-01T10:11:11Z

i wish you knew
how many hours i spent waiting ..just so i could hear
your voice. i wish i could've told you about all the nights i cried myself to sleep, praying
that tomorrow would be different.. i wish you knew how often i wanted to tell you
that i loved you, when i couldn't. i wish i could've given you more, that things could've been
different. i wish that we were still together and sometimes
i still wish you had never let go

written by me

_069

2007-08-19T22:15:53Z

my emotions get the better of me sometimes
i realize i've made mistakes and continue to make them; not anymore
i want to change. not in a bad way though. i've already gone further down that
road than i ever intend to go again. we all wait for something that'll never
come and wish for the impossible, but eventually time catches
up with us ..and what we once thought was life, is merely a reflection of our hopeless
dreams. i've forgotten what it meant to live. i'm reckless in my actions and crave
things i know i shouldn't; not anymore. all this time i thought i
wanted the impossible, when really all i needed
was your love.

written by me

_068

2007-08-09T22:18:05Z

i'm not sure what to do anymore
everything seems fake, a lie to what i really want
i can't stop this undying need to be close to someone and i'm scared that eventually
i'll settle for less ..less than what you wanted, less than what i know i deserve
i'm afraid of turning into everything i hate,
of giving into life and becoming just another girl
i'm desperate.
i want things i know i shouldn't
and every time i think it would be okay to give in, just once
a part of me dies. i tell myself i can't control it, when really i just don't care
i'm falling. giving in to the temptation i thought i could escape
i'm breaking everything inside me, destroying what hope i had left
it hurts to know you never wanted this for me,
that i never wanted this for myself
but i can't seem to stop.
so just tell me it's over, tell me it's okay to
hurt. tell me it's okay to cry and hate myself for reasons i can't
understand. i just need something, anything to keep
myself from wanting you

written by me

_066

2007-08-04T21:54:01Z

she had never felt this way before,
the emptiness overpowering what love she had left
..destroying all hope of holding on. breaking her, turning her into everything
she thought she'd never become. only one person could save her now,
but he was gone, lost forever in the darkness of life. she'd give anything for a
goodbye, one last kiss ..anything to take away the pain
that once was love

written by me

note: i'm not sure about this one, but figured i'd post it anyway :]

_065

2007-08-04T05:49:05Z

i thought i knew
what kind of person you were, who you wanted to be
i thought you were better than that. you used to know right from wrong ..now i'm
not so sure. everything means nothing to you anymore and i'd give anything for just a glimpse
of who you used to be. your mistakes spread like darkness, covering the light and
shadowing the good i loved so much ..taking away any hope i had left. i wish things were
different, i wish you hadn't given up and i'm sorry i couldn't change you
..i'm sorry you couldn't change yourself

written by me

_064

2007-08-03T01:17:43Z

i need more
i want to feel worthless and broken, i want the bruises
i want the pain. i need the relentless torture cause anything's better than
this. i can't stand the numb feeling in my heart and i'd give anything
to be able to stop shaking. don't you wonder how it'd feel to watch me bleed?
so just do it again, hit me one more time. i swear
..i won't cry

written by me

_063

2007-07-25T09:55:41Z

please, save me
take away this pain. i can't breathe anymore
cure me, give me something worth fighting for, anything to destroy this sickness inside me.
i'm lost without you, buried in hopelessness and i can't escape this void in my heart ..the emptiness
is piercing & tormenting what once was love. removing every single memory of you, tearing
me apart from limb to limb. please, just save me ..tell me you care,
..anything to make it stop

written by me

p.s. i'm leaving for the weekend to visit my friend in
Connecticut ..so i'll see you all next week :]

_062

2007-07-25T06:12:14Z

hours, countless amounts of them.
if only you knew how many nights I laid awake, praying the phone
would ring ..just hoping to hear your voice one last time. I would've given anything for
five minutes, one I love you ..anything, just to know you're still there. I can't stand the thought
of losing you and every day we don't talk is another stab to my heart.
if only you knew the tears that escaped my eyes
..maybe then you'd call

written by me

_061

2007-07-24T08:56:02Z

i never meant to get so involved
you were never supposed to like me. it was just an escape, something to
cure the unstoppable darkness, but you wanted more and i took advantage of everything
..using your heart as if it meant nothing to me. i broke you, destroyed what little
love you had left and took it all for granted. i wish i could go back, change things
and give you a chance. i know it could have ended better, i know
you could've been so much more..

written by me

_060

2007-07-23T05:49:03Z

sometimes i think you enjoy it,
the thought of me failing. you like the idea of me having
regrets because it means i'll go back to you, back to the way i used to be ..you liked that
part of me, the part that let you do whatever you wanted just so i could numb the pain. who cares
about my feelings when you already have what you came for, right? ..i'd give anything to
know what went through your mind that night and i still wonder what
might have happened if had held on and sometimes
..i still wish i could've said no

written by me

_059

2007-07-21T08:45:16Z

beautiful you said,

if only you knew what i thought about after you left

the cuts i made, the pain i felt. how many nights i laid awake, just hoping it would all end

i wonder what you'd say if you knew how often i thought of dying ..how comforting

it was to me and how many nights i cried myself to sleep, praying tomorrow would be different.

i wonder if you'd still love me if you knew how many times i hurt myself

just to numb the pain in my heart, beautiful you said

...beautiful is everything i'm not

written by me

_058

2007-07-20T07:28:45Z

I loved the thought of you, of us
i'd give anything to be able to make it work, but I can't
you're letting go of all we had left, destroying what we once called love and I can't
keep doing this ..I can't keep being your second choice. so just say it. i was wrong, you don't
love me anymore and you were right, maybe I am lying to myself
..maybe you never did

written by me

_057

2007-07-16T07:07:22Z

remember that night
..how close i came to kissing you?
i can still feel the butterflies in my stomach as you leaned forward,
your mouth just inches from mine. i can feel your warm breath against my skin..
your arms wrapped tightly around me and i would've given anything to keep you there, to
tell you i love you, but i let go and you gave up and sometimes i wish things had
been different, that i could've told you sooner and sometimes
..i still wish you had chose me

written by me

_056

2007-07-11T06:34:16Z

how can something
so small, so insignificant hurt so much?
i wanted to give you everything, to show you i can be more than
just a second choice. i know i have imperfections. i know i can't take back what i said
and maybe you are right, maybe i'm not good enough. maybe everything i felt was fake and
you're just another splinter for this thing i call a heart, but i still need you ..i still
need to feel loved and if that means having to give up everything just to be with you
then fine because i can't live wondering what might have happened
..i can't live knowing i'm just another regret

written by me

_055

2007-07-07T08:01:12Z

i know it hurts

i know you want more for us, for me

but we can't change what's happening ..we have to accept

the fact that things many never get better, that what

we once thought was possible may just be a distant dream. you're

mad at the world and i understand, but please don't

give up. hold on, just a little longer

..don't let this be the end

written by me

_054

2007-07-03T08:41:31Z

perhaps we were never meant to be, maybe this was

all a dream. maybe everything we ever felt was a lie and we're not

who we once thought we were, but i love you and you love me

so just give it a chance, take the risk

..i swear it'll be worth it

written by me

_053

2007-07-03T08:26:09Z

i want, so much, just to hold you
to tell you it's okay ..that everything will be alright, but i can't and it's
tearing my heart to pieces knowing you're alone. i'd give anything to be there, to
love you and make the pain go away, but i know you'll come back.
..eventually we won't have to wait and one day
we won't have to say goodbye

written by me

_052

2007-07-01T06:41:45Z

i can feel it, your heart
it beats with mine. slow and steady ..ready to jump at the slightest
touch. your eyes are closed, but i know you can tell i'm smiling. i run my hand across
your chest ..feeling the warmth beneath me. my mind races with thoughts. i want to kiss you, to press
myself against you, tightly ..holding on as if my world would give way, but something inside
is telling me to stop, to let go and as i begin to pull away i realize
your eyes are open & your hand is touching mine
..holding it over your heart

written by me

p.s. i'm happy, in case you coudn't tell by this one <3