infinite

_077


"i don't sing for anyone,"
i claimed. "i sleep for no one," you replied to me. 
both of us were certain, but there i was. two months later 
..singing softly, as you drifted from reality.

you're the downfall of everything i created.
you are my cure.




written by me

  • Current Music
    3rd planet; modest mouse
infinite

_076

 
you asked me why,
why do i feel this way for you..
..why do i feel the need to have someone else control what is mine?
why must my thoughts be so self-destructive, i ask myself 
..your hands gripping me tightly. i shudder as your breath touches my skin. 
my heart races as you speak the words i so desperately want, 
and i tell you

...because it gives me
 comfort in ways i can't understand




written by me

infinite

_075


take me,
make me into everything i'm not.
give me a reason to want, to beg and whimper at the slightest touch.
dig your hands beneath my skin, chain me up ..give me the pain i so desperately crave.
i want to feel something, anything..

...just tell me i'm yours




written by me


Collapse )

infinite

_074

 
you did all the right things,
..knew just what to say to make me give in. you pushed me, 
begged me ..told me you wanted me and knew, that if you said it, i'd want you back
i never doubted your intentions, never told you how i really felt
and every time we kissed a part of me died
i knew i was going to regret everything after it was over, but for that 
one moment, for that split second in my life, 
i felt pretty.

..i still wish i could take it back




written by me

infinite

_073

 
guilt;
the word consumes me,
tortures me day after day ..forces me to regret my decisions,
to question my self worth and wonder whether or not i deserve anything.
guilt is the reason i can't sleep at night, the thing that
tempts me to hate myself

...guilt is the reason i let him go




written by me

infinite

_072

  
'i want you'
the words tempt me, make me give into things
i know i shouldn't. i crave them. i live for the moment you realize that you can't stop, 
and every second after is just another second i'm forced to give into temptation. i hate myself for 
my lack of self esteem and i'd give anything to tell you no, but i can't. 
'i love you' ..i wonder if i actually mean those words,

..i wonder if you realize my addiction.




written by me

infinite

_071

  
one night
that's all i ask for, just one night with you
one night to fall asleep in your arms, one night where we don't have
 to say goodbye. just one night to feel your heart beat next to mine, to whisper i love you 
until the thought overwhelms me. i want one night to memorize your every touch, 
every breath and know what it means to escape. one night to let go
 & forget about my imperfections, that's all i want
...one night with you




written by me

infinite

_070

 
i wish you knew 
how many hours i spent waiting ..just so i could hear 
your voice. i wish i could've told you about all the nights i cried myself to sleep, praying 
that tomorrow would be different.. i wish you knew how often i wanted to tell you 
that i loved you, when i couldn't. i wish i could've given you more, that things could've been
 different. i wish that we were still together and sometimes
 i still wish you had never let go




written by me
infinite

_069


my emotions get the better of me sometimes
i realize i've made mistakes and continue to make them; not anymore
i want to change. not in a bad way though. i've already gone further down that
road than i ever intend to go again. we all wait for something that'll never
come and wish for the impossible, but eventually time catches
up with us ..and what we once thought was life, is merely a reflection of our hopeless
 dreams. i've forgotten what it meant to live. i'm reckless in my actions and crave
 things i know i shouldn't; not anymore. all this time i thought i
 wanted the impossible, when really all i needed
 was your love.




written by me
infinite

_068


i'm not sure what to do anymore
everything seems fake, a lie to what i really want
i can't stop this undying need to be close to someone and i'm scared that eventually
i'll settle for less ..less than what you wanted, less than what i know i deserve
i'm afraid of turning into everything i hate,
of giving into life and becoming just another girl
i'm desperate.
i want things i know i shouldn't
and every time i think it would be okay to give in, just once
a part of me dies. i tell myself i can't control it, when really i just don't care
i'm falling. giving in to the temptation i thought i could escape
i'm breaking everything inside me, destroying what hope i had left
it hurts to know you never wanted this for me, 
that i never wanted this for myself
but i can't seem to stop.
so just tell me it's over, tell me it's okay to
hurt. tell me it's okay to cry and hate myself for reasons i can't 
understand. i just need something, anything to keep
myself from wanting you




written by me